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Sunday, December 19, 2004
. mood swing, in a very weird kinda way :)]
i'm realli attacked. e devil wun let me go... attacking me doubts after doubts after doubts. i was so oppressed i couldn't even think straight. the doubts came so fast i din even have time to think. it was pressurising i must have sounded like an idiot talking to gracie n annie... and i couldn't see wat i was typing either as my eyes were watered up... i was realli pathetic... it was tat bad. i tot sleep could make it go away... but i was wrong. the darkness worsened e doubts. the surroundings got e better of me. i just cried n cried.
then all of a sudden my hand just instinctively reached for my handphone. somehow i played e recording i did for "Mary, did you know?" and this line stood out.
this sleeping Child
you're holding
is the Great I Am.
and then it came as a wave. this peace, this soothing, calming peace. and this time, my tears were tears of thanksgiving instead of sadness. Cos the Great I Am is in me. the lyrics just brought me back to a few months back when i was confessing "I am I Am." I am in Jesus as much as He is in me. and the supernatural joy tat i felt then became a source of peace for me... a testimony i could hold on to, a victory tat i know is true. Fear went away, doubts became irrelevant. Cos His love couldn't stop flowing throughout me. and I was just so overwhelmed. This short time tat i spent with Him, took away everything tat was bothering me in the past few hours. Unbelievable. Then again... how many times has this happened?? hahaha. when i just spent time with Him, circumstances arnd me just turned arnd. So many times... Yet my consciousness was not on the victories. Praise God, tat when man fails, He succeeds. He succeeded in taking over this emotion roller-coaster ride(which i have very rarely n seldom) and turning it arnd into an overwhelming experience of His love.
He is the Great I Am. All glory n honour be to Him n Him alone.
well.. basicallt that's how my mind works... thoughts churning and wouldn't let go.
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