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Bad Day.
today shall be remembered as the worst day of my entire life, other than tat day when i knew tat my dad has gone bankupt.
OK, THIS IS GOING TO BE JUST A COMPLAINT UNTO NO ONE. IT'S JUST A STUPID THOUGHT TAT I HAVE IN MY MIND N I NEED TO THRASH IT OUT. SO DUN BOTHER TO COME BACK TO ME N TELL ME ALL SORTS OF CRAP, ALRIGHT?? I'LL BE FINE. SO SHUSH N GET OUT OF MY LIFE FOR THIS ONCE. :P *NONCHALENT LOOK
Disclaimer over. back to lamenting...
where was help when i needed it?? where were You Lord??
fine, i learned many valuable lessons, regarding human relationships. many many lessons. lessons tat hurt and torment. lessons tat cost a price tat may be too pricey for me to take or swallow.
why, u might ask?? for the people involved are too precious to me. but precisely becos they are precious, all the more it hurts so badly. 2 women who r at tis point, other than my real sister, closest to me, hurting me e most. 1 seriously misunderstanding me, n e other... also a misunderstanding, but e wrong is on my part which hurts as i hurt her. dun ask me why it does, it does.
which brings me back to human relationships. a fool i still am in this area, n thou i realli got to praise Him for i knew He was in a certain relationship with someone dear whom realli meant a lot to me, tat He did help me in tat area... but wat abt this?!?! hello!?!?! where r You!?!?!
Help!!! and i mean HELP!!!
i know God is not e one responsible for these atrocities(yes, i do regard them tat seriously cos it does hurt tat badly). n i do know tat for some parts of the story, it's totally and entirely my faults, in the cases of both women. i know tat i din follow e Spirit's guidance, no life, n yet i did it. Dumb?? oh yes, i'm e only one in e world. so sorry. condemn me to the deepest depths of hell. watever.
this is a MAJOR problem. Lord, THIS is one stupid problem tat You gotta take care of. take away my pride and self-strife. Take away my desire to just care for others - TOO MUCH. take away my doubts n suspicion. take away all the bad things in my life. replace it with Your qualities. PLEASE.
i know tat i've gotta look to e cross. i know tat onli by seeking His kingdom n His righteousness, i'll be able to receive these gifts. but thou thankful i am for wat You have done in my life already, Lord, pls accelerate it up. This work needs to be done like NOW. no, now doesn't even cuts it. it should have been solved like millions of years ago. GET RID OF THIS FREAKING, CURSED PROBLEM!! ARGH!!
I HATE MYSELF. FOR NOW TAT IS. FOR THIS LITTLE PART OF FLESH STILL IN ME. FOR THIS LITTLE PART OF ME WHICH IS REFUSING TO LET GO. FOR THIS LITTLE PART OF ME TAT'S LIKE A VAMPIRE, SUCKING ME DRY, MAKING ME FEEL AS THOU I'M LOSING HIS BLOOD THOU I KNOW IT CAN'T BE LOST.
DAMN, I JUST HATE MYSELF.
OH SHUT UP N DUN BOTHER ME. I'LL BE FINE. GRRR... I'M JUST COMPLAINING. IF YOU REALLI WANT TO HELP - PRAY. BUT IN ALL CASES, SHUT UP N DUN BOTHER ME. THIS IS A DECREE. SO NO ARGUMENTS. BLEAH. *WITH ANGRY LOOK
Current Song on radio : My Confession - Josh Groban
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