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growing taller, glowing brighter, grasping wider.
just said something on msn while talking to ian when my spirits was kinda low.
be expectant of good things, cos tat's wat is promised unto you becos of His payment of e Price.
somehow, it felt like God telling me tat personally thou i thought He wanted to say tat to ian.
tis realli means a lot to me.
especially after tat half-hour rant on blogger. *winkz to those who saw it.
heez.
n not to mention e fact tat someone just spoke words right into my heart n kindled tat fire tat was there all along, waiting to burn n shine brighter. thanx, to u-know-who-u-r. *winkz
my life is not as smooth sailing as it seems. many ppl think tat i lead a wonderful life spiritually.
a faith tat's 'strong' n on strong foundations. tat i'm always e man for e hour, a man who speaks words of wisdom cos he spends his time in e word all e time, cos he's deeply 'graced'.
but wat they dun see is e times when i cry n kneel, bent n broken, before Him. e prayers tat i felt were unanswered. e times when e man for e hour cries n screams n act totally like a spoilt brat, a lousy baby just screaming for ATTENTION. n well, praise God for tat, His attention span n his affection is impossible. :)
He comes everytime. when i'm weak, e moment i shout for Him, He appears in all His magnificence n awe n power. n it just sweeps me away.
i remembered tis time when i wanted to quit choir cos i was feeling so so so so so so dry. i felt as if He called me to a wrong place. n no joke, those r e exact words i want to say, n wat i felt. so much for a holy man seh?? hee. but yet wif my fall n stumble, all e more i receive n soar higher, cos His hands just rescue n lifts me up. even higher. even clearer n free-er. He gave me tat fire anew, n He brought me to serving on e platform in a more visable area. not tat it mattered much, cos tat fire was e one thing tat mattered to me, cos i thought i have lost faith in Him, tat i din love Him anymore. tat fire, renewed, was like a breath or more adequately, a kiss of God to me. it's like being brought under e sun after experiencing a storm for 40 days n nights. realli. tat feeling is indescribable. it's totally life-changing.
His love n His view of me is so awesome. n tis applies to whoever is reading tis as well. althou definitely not to a degree as vast as mine. *bleah :p hee. i'm still a tigger at heart.
i dun get it. after being 3 years of a christian, i still ponder n get puzzled at e fact tat He sees me as a jewel. a diamond worth polishing. n mind u, He din polish it wif anything less than His nailed-scarred Hands n His precious Blood. His eyes, battered n blurred as they were on e road to Calvary, saw me as His destination, saw me as His only source of strength n drive n reason, to walk on. to walk on into a place of destruction, tat i might find His place of eternal elevation. He saw me tat way, in a way tat i still dun get it. but i'm starting to see it. i'm starting to glimpse into His perception of me. a view tat's unbelievably breath-taking, cos if not, He wun have died for me. n somehow, i just know, tat when i see myself as tat, there will be a transformation. i dun need u guys to say amen to tat. not tat i'm cocky or anything, but somehow, it's just tis affirmation in my heart, tat somehow, i'm changed when i realised tat i HAD changed. it's just nagging at me, n it's just hugging me... i'm getting it, i'm getting it.
n somehow, today just feels different all of a sudden. somehow it feels like i'm lighter, n tat i'm floating. hahahaha, sounds real weird. but oh well. just wanna declare His goodness. in changing wat was supposed to be a ruined day to one tat is so... full of... hope. can't find a better word. n now it is right... tat i am a prisoner of hope. hallelujah. gosh i love being in tis prison cell. woohoo!! hee.
tears into cheers.
tests into testimonies.
mess into message.
shame n pain, into fame n gain.
Jesus... thank You, once again.
shalom. lots n lots n lots n lots n lots n lots...
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